Ladies and gentlemen, gather round. Today, we talk not just about garri, the humble, gritty, cassava, based lifesaver, but about life itself.
Yes, life.
Because if you pay close attention to how a man eats garri, you might just understand his philosophy of survival.
Now, if you’re not familiar with garri, congratulations, you’re probably not Nigerian. But let me bring you into the loop. Garri is not just food, it is a whole situation. And like life, it can slap you unexpectedly. You could just wake up and boom!
Garri.
On your table. In your cupboard. In your destiny.
You didn’t plan for it, but here we are.
So the real question is not what life throws at you, garri, heartbreak, fuel subsidy, but how you respond. You see, people eat garri in different ways:
- Some soak it in cold water with milk, sugar and groundnuts. That’s the deluxe package. Presidential garri.
- Some eat it dry, like biscuits. No water. No toppings. Just vibes.
- Others turn it into eba and pair it with soup, that’s a rebrand. That’s garri doing cosplay as real food.
And then there’s the cutlery struggle. Oh, the cutlery.
Some people approach life and garri with a fork. Yes, a fork.
They try to scoop up blessings, dreams, opportunities, but life keeps slipping through the holes.
They’re confused. Frustrated. “Why is my destiny leaking?”
Bro, it’s the fork.
Others think they’re smarter and reach for a bread knife. More surface area, less leakage.
But my brother, it’s still not a spoon.
Then there are those who grab a proper spoon. Sensible. Efficient. The type who still have data at the end of the month. But is that the best?
Not necessarily.
Because in the end, the best utensil is what you have, when you need it, and how well you use it. Some people have gold-plated spoons but still can’t make decent decisions. Others have plastic spoons, slightly cracked, but they scoop with wisdom and gratitude.
Let me paint a clearer picture, call it “The Five Garri Philosophers”:
Philosopher One:
Looks at the cup of garri, shrugs and says, “Water is a scam.” He chews it dry like cereal. No sugar, no milk, just raw resilience. He sleeps right after. Respect.
Philosopher Two:
Saves water for tea tomorrow. Soaks garri with spit and prayer. This is the long-term planner. He’s suffering now for joy tomorrow. We call this delayed gratification or mild hunger.
Philosopher Three:
Soaks the garri, eats it all. Saves the milk and peanuts for another day. He’s balancing survival and investment. A man of wisdom. A little suffering today, a little joy tomorrow. Moderation is key.
Philosopher Four:
Fires up hot water, makes eba. Uses the soup he had in the freezer from two weeks ago. He turns the situation around. A true innovator. If garri is life, this man is Steve Jobs.
Then there’s Philosopher Five, the Instagram guy. He mixes the garri with milk, sugar, groundnuts, and filters. He’s glowing on camera, but what you don’t know is that it’s his last meal before rent is due. Don’t be deceived. Not all that glitters is balance diet.
Moral of the Garri:
Everybody’s garri is different.
Some are eating dry garri today because they have bread and tea scheduled for tomorrow. Some are drinking garri with luxury toppings because that’s all they have left.
Stop comparing.
Your life is your own kitchen. Mind your gas.
The fact that I’m eating garri with groundnut now does not mean I have failed. It just means I understand timing. I’m playing the long game. You, on the other hand, drinking tea with croissant and salmon, might just be setting yourself up for two weeks of hunger and regret.
And let’s not forget our Nigerian reflex, the moment hardship shows up, we blame the devil.
But my dear, the only devil in the room may just be you. Yes, you, the one who bought sneakers with your school fees. The one who ate shawarma on loan. The one who subscribed to Netflix but has no savings. My brother, the problem isn’t spiritual warfare. It’s poor decision-making.
Let me say this loud and clear:
Life is not what happens to you, it’s what you make happen for you.
Your spoon may be plastic. Your garri may be small. But your attitude? Your wisdom? That’s the real seasoning.
The richness of your life has nothing to do with who has the bigger bowl of garri. It’s about what you do with your own. You are not behind. You are not late. You are not failing. You are just in your season.
Stop comparing your dry garri to someone else’s jollof rice. For all you know, they borrowed the jollof. Or worse, they’ll pay for it with indigestion.
So when life gives you garri, don’t complain. Don’t compare. Don’t panic.
Just find your spoon and soak it with sense.
If you enjoyed this piece, laugh-smiled at least once, or have ever eaten garri in your life, do the needful:
- Like
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- And Follow me for more hilarious truth bombs on life and survival.
I’m Frank Apokwueze,
Your garri mentor and digital sensei.
Dedicated to your success online, offline and inside your fridge.
Stay hydrated. Stay wise.
Peace. 🥄
